Here's why Leslie Vernick wrote the book "Destructive Relationships"
When I first started writing this book, I decided to start by taking a nine-day sabbatical, Friday through Monday of the following week. I lightened my schedule: no patients, no chores, no responsibilities. Nothing other than the book. I looked forward to focusing on the task of bringing together months of research, reading, reflection and prayer.
By Thursday evening, I only had one patient left to see. As I walked out of my office (I work from home) into the waiting room, I saw in Connie's eyes that something was wrong at all. She motioned for me to follow her down the hall. "Uh, I think you have a leak, or something," she said.
I turned around and saw a large puddle of brown water coming towards us. At first I thought that the washing machine upstairs was overflowing, but unfortunately the problem was not so small. It turned out that the septic tank pipe was clogged and foul liquid waste had started to spill into my office, as well as the surrounding waiting room and storage spaces.
At first, I kept my cool. After all, I didn't want one of my patients to think I was unable to cope with my stress! But lo and behold, my nine-day sabbatical from writing my book turned into stinking, toxic and overwhelming chaos. A simple cleaning would not be enough! After the calm gave way to frustration, I just wanted to move.
Instead, I proceeded in order and called a plumber to unclog the pipe. Then I got the bad news that all the carpet on the stairs should be ripped off. I am still there as I write. All desks, books, bookcases, computers, sofas, suitcases, filing cabinets and tons of boxes will need to be moved. Subsequently, the cement floor will be cleaned and sanitized. Contaminated items left on the ground will be discarded or disinfected. Once the new carpet has been laid, I will have to put everything back in its place, like in a jigsaw puzzle of 5000 pieces.
However, as I thought about this change of plans, I realized that everything was exactly as it should be. Since I write about toxic relationships and the damage they cause, it's normal that I personally experience the stress of living in a toxic environment, even for a short period of time. I would love to see this whole problem go away, but it won't. There are no quick or easy fixes, and the chaos of this situation has shattered my plans. The truth is, I don't even know when life will resume its normal course.
Many people feel so overwhelmed by the chaos of their painful relationships that instead of taking appropriate action, they allow toxicity to overwhelm them and their children. They feel helpless and helpless; they don't know what to do. Even if they take a few steps to begin with, it's easier to give up in the face of hardship and condone the blatant destruction around them.
Please don't do this. I understand that at this time it seems impossible for you to survive your destructive relationship. I know it is painful and scary to think about what it will take to repair the damage. But you can't change something you don't want to face.
I can't promise you that if you read this book the destructive person in your life will change.
I can promise you, however, that if you practice what you read, you will grow, heal, and become a healthier individual, which is a great start to building more loving and healthy relationships