The Emotionally Destructive Relationship (Les relations destructrices)
As a counselor and social worker, Leslie Vernick has witnessed the devastating effects of emotional abuse.
Since this is such a sensitive subject, many, even among those who attend our churches, avoid addressing this form of abuse that is often found within families or in different relationships. Drawing on God's Word and her professional experience, the author helps us identify emotionally destructive relationships by taking an empathic approach. It discusses the symptoms and damage associated with such relationships to help readers:
- reveal behaviors that aim to control, punish and hurt;
- denounce and tell the truth at the right time;
- decide whether to continue or end a relationship;
- make sure you are safe;
- build their identity in Christ.
This practical and comprehensive resource will help countless individuals, families and churches see violence from God's perspective and understand how vital it is for victims to free themselves from the physical, emotional, spiritual and generational destructive relationships.
Browse through the first pages
Leslie Vernick is a speaker, author, clinical social worker and interpersonal relationship counselor. She has been married to Howard for 38 years and has two grown children and three grandchildren. Leslie holds a master's degree in clinical social work from the University of Illinois and received postgraduate training in Bible counseling and cognitive therapy.
"This book is needed in a world increasingly shattered by emotionally destructive relationships!" The author captures our interest with her authenticity, her experience in Bible counseling, and her hands-on teaching. I liked the fact that she backs up her words with quotes from the Bible and that she refers to both Christian and non-Christian authors. She knows how to find the right words to reach the thoughts, emotions and lives of every reader! "
- Lois Tessier, author, speaker, teacher and adviser to women for the Association of Evangelical Baptist Churches in Quebec (AEBEQ)
"We are all in relationship with each other, whether it is within our family, our marriage, our work or through our friendships. Here is the truth God reveals in Genesis 2:18: Human beings were not created to live alone. In Destructive Relationships, Leslie Vernick sheds light on the different relationships we have in our day-to-day lives. She defines and compares them so that we can identify which relationships are healthy and which are unhealthy. The author draws on Bible truths and shares with us her extensive experience in Bible counseling. I strongly encourage reading this book for anyone who wants to grow to maturity through their relationships. »
- Louise Leblanc, Bible counselor, Baptist Evangelical Seminary of Quebec
"Find out what is wrong ... find a biblical understanding of God's solution." By putting into practice what you read, you will learn to let go of destructive behaviors and to heal; you will flourish and become healthier by letting the love of God transform you. »
- Dr Catherine Hart Weber, co-author of Secrets of Eve and Unveiling Depression in Women ; Assistant Professor, Fuller Theological Seminary
"Readers will find in this a plan of action to change and modify their behavior in their relationships ... [This book responds to] a real need in the world of Christian counseling. »
- Jeffrey Black, Ph. D., psychologist, president and masters professor of Christian counseling, Philadelphia Biblical University
"I was able to relate to so many people mentioned in this book that it really alerted me ... I knew I had to make changes in my life and in my relationship ... Leslie uses the Bible to back up his remarks, which sets it apart from any other book I have read ... I highly recommend this book to anyone who is or has been in a destructive emotional relationship. This book changed my view of myself and my marriage; I'm finally starting to find my way around. »
- Jess, a reader
“This book makes the connection between psychological abuse and its spiritual roots; it provides practical tools to help victims cope ... It encourages readers to stand up against emotional abuse. »
- Brenda Branson and Paula Silva, FOCUS Ministries, Inc .; authors of Violence Among Us: Ministry to Families in Crisis
"This book is a crucial first step on the road to healing and growth for those who find themselves stuck in an abusive relationship ... As always, Leslie puts herself at the level of the bruised person and the sinner with compassion and authenticity, offering concrete direction and a lot of hope. »
- Winston Smith, M. Div., Director of Counseling Services and Professor at Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation
“You absolutely must read this book. Not only will it educate the reader to take the necessary steps to regain freedom, but it will also prevent future destructive relationships. »
- Michelle Borquez, author of God Crazy: An Adventurous Road Trip to Joyful Surrender ; host of the TV show Shine
"Psychological abuse is often overlooked, but it is with brio and practicality that Leslie tackles this difficult subject that cripples the body of Christ and His testimony in the world. »
- Karl Benzio, M.D., psychiatrist; founder and CEO of the Lighthouse
"I wish this book didn't have to be written, but I'm very grateful to Leslie Vernick for having the courage to do it. You will be touched by her compassion, grateful for her sincerity, and aided by her professional skills honed through the trials of life. »
- Gene Appel, Senior Pastor, Willow Creek Community Church, South Barrington, Illinois
Table of contents
Foreword: Getting started
Introduction: Created to live connected
Part 1: Seeing it clearly
1. What is an emotionally destructive relationship?
2. The Consequences of an Emotionally Destructive Relationship
3. What makes relationships difficult and destructive?
4. Destructive tendencies of the heart: pride, anger and envy
5. Destructive tendencies of the heart: selfishness, laziness, wickedness and fear
Part Two: Ending It
6. The Truth About Change: You Can Stop Living This Way
7. The Truth About Choices: They Were Not Taken From You
8. The Truth About Speaking Sincerely: Your Voice Deserves to be Heard
9. The truth about the stand: you can become a peacemaker
Part Three: Surviving It
10. God sees you and wants to heal you
11. Let go and you will grow
12. When we are well nourished, we thrive
Resources for Further Help
Categories of Abuse
Advice for Caregivers
About the Author
Original title : The Emotionally Destructive Relationship
Author : Leslie Vernick
Publisher : Impact
Publication : January 2020
ISBN : 978-2-89082-360-0
Pages : 287
Dimensions : 5.5 "x 8.5"
Format : paperback
Weight : 346 g